


Left Me Like a Forgotten Lullaby

by Cassie_cas_castiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: BulliedCas, BullyDean, InsecureCas, JealousDean, M/M, ModernDayAU, NurseCas, Past Abuse, Past Violence, PoliceofficerDean, highschool reunion, highschoolAU, protectiveDean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-03 23:55:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14007624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cassie_cas_castiel/pseuds/Cassie_cas_castiel
Summary: It was never planned for Lisa Braeden to wind up pregnant when she was only eighteen. But it happened.Dean never planned to go to that damn high school reunion, but he did.Dean never meant to hurt the boy with tears for eyes. Dean never meant to make fun of the boy with a book as a friend.He never meant to leave the boy like a forgotten lullaby.





	Left Me Like a Forgotten Lullaby

**Author's Note:**

> Vulgar Language and Violent Scenes mentioned

I made a lot of mistakes in my so very long life. My first mistake was believing my family most certainly was not broken. My second was telling Sammy that if he didn't tell that older kid to step off, I'd rip the kids' lungs out. My third, my third was the most unforgiveable. My third was asking the kid with a mind like a storm if he was gay. I was never in fact curious... just cruel.   
Why I ever thought I could escape my past with a badge stitched to my chest, I would never know. All I knew is that whenever blue flashed behind my eyelids, the badge burned and the pistol in my belt felt heavy. I only joined the force to redeem myself and yet I knew I would never feel v whole.   
"Dean Ross Winchester." If I didn't know he was talkin to me, I might've asked Sammy what I did to deserve such an irritated tone. "Why did I find our 2001 High school Reunion invitation in our recycle bin?" If it wasn't for the fact that Sam Winchester lived with me I might've gotten away with not going to that stupid reunion. But he did live with me, and he was going to make me go whether I wanted to or not.   
"I don't feel like going."   
"You're going. This is a time to reunite with people!"   
I was supposed to reunite with the people that made me this way? No way. I'm not some chick that wants nothing more than some rom-com bullshit high school reunion experience.   
Of course Sammy was more than a baby brother so his place on my personal hierarchy was high. He was my best friend. I was screwed before he even drew out the puppy eyes. He was currently majoring in How To Make People Cave With a Simple Puppy Look and minoring in Pre-law. I swore to more than god he was. 

When the reunion actually came, I realized how much of a mere shadow I truly was of my past self. I was no longer some adorable kid, or even a snarky teenager that threw insults like they were snowballs. I was just me.   
"Sam I look stupid," I fussed trying to pull at the tan dad sweater, " I don't wanna go, and I don't wanna wear this."   
"You look fine Dean."   
The sweater's material seemed to rub rashes into my skin like you would ointment to a- well, rash. It's thick material made me sweaty before even being condensed into the claustrophobic poor excuse of a gym. The buttons were round and big, making them about as noticeable as a pimple on an acne free face. Not only that but the dress shirt and tie Sammy insisted I wear so I would "be at least a suitable person", it was pushing my limits.   
I was a police officer, I stroked fear into men's' hearts just from the sight of my clothing, just from the sight of my Baby. I was supposed to be protecting the streets, how could I protect the streets from the inside of a mildew induced high school.  
The music was loud and the make shift dance floor was already gathering sweaty men and women. It wasn't really something I was interested in. Luck seemed to be more on my side tonight then it had been in years. There was no such thing that went by the name of Castiel Novak.   
It wasn't really a surprise that he didn't show. I mean, he did disappear off the map as soon as he received his diploma. Besides I couldn't expect him to show after the kind of things I did to him. He was just a kid, but so was I.   
His face was like a burn. A scar. He was always gonna be there, in the back of my mind or in the front. Always there. I'm sure he's even going to be there on my death bed. Whether that be on a rain soaked street bleeding out of a gunshot wound, or a home in a bed with wrinkles for skin.   
The hallway seemed like a good place at a time. It wasn't crowded and it was dark, the perfect place for an anxiety attack. Sammy wasn't with me so I knew I wouldn't be pressured to socialize. He loved me and was just trying to do his best, but his best was sometimes questioned over the amount of anxiety it reduced me to.   
My feet carried me effortlessly down the hallway. I could still hear the pounding of the speakers in the gym, as well as the ear breaking chattering and laughing coming from the people. The ugly white walls and the speckled white tiles were stained with so many memories it was hard to keep up with my brain, that just wanted to explore them all. Remember everything.   
Thoughts carried me to Castiel Novak, one in about eighty nine people who didn't show up. If his wellbeing was actually okay, or if he took a gun to his head after being gifted his diploma. I was a police officer, I've lost a lot of people, suspects, victims, even my own kind. But for some reason Castiel Novak he meant something to me. I didn't know what it was.   
The locker room incident. That was the worst I've ever done. It was worst then the suspect I shot, and worse than the promise of beating up an older guy for my baby brother. The way I pushed him fully clothed into the spray of water, the way his wet skin felt against my knuckle. And the fact that I saw the water on the floor turn pinker and pinker and yet I didn't stop. I also remember the things I stole from him, and the voice I heard.   
"Ohhh Cassy... have you had your first kiss?"   
"No..." He was so small and weak and yet I never stopped. I envisioned him to be Sammy anything but I never stopped.  
"Ooh I get to be your first?" It wasn't a question. I knew what I was going to do, and it was evil. I remember his struggle to get away from me. Then I remember the feel of his pink soft lips pressed against mine... I remember how right it felt.   
Breathing is what caught me off first. I was the only one that was out in these halls that I knew of. I walked swiftly and turned a corner leading me to the "Abandon Hallway," a hallway that was never actually abandoned but just not used for it's lockers.   
A man sat against the ugly tan paint chipped lockers. His head laid back and his breathing was harsh. A part of me wondered if he was having a panic attack or if that's just how he took in oxygen. His hair was framed against shadows giving me hints of the wild sex hair he harbored.   
My approach was far more cautious then it was curious. Something about him screamed familiar but another promised a stranger. It couldn't be Chuck Shurley who had similar hair, Chuck Shurley was in the gym talking to Kevin Tran. The stillness of his movements gave me the impression that he was either thinking or dead, I was really praying for the former.   
His head snapping to look at me was the only indication I had of him hearing me. He took in a shaky breath and I could hear him swallow roughly. I still couldn't make his facial features out. I walked past him to a window that had black paper taped to it. I slowly pried the tape from the gray wall. The paper protested and crackled but I refused to give in to the sound, apart of me was eating me inside and out to know who this man was.   
Blue. His eyes were blue, after twelve years his eyes were still blue. "Cas," I breathed.   
Castiel Novak has always been a mystery to me. He was always the one that I swore no one understood. "Hello Dean," he said, a smile forced on his face. I was probably the person who forced that smile. I knew that smile, I practically invented the damn thing. It was the fake smile, the one that you made just to hide the fact your eyes were watering and you felt like you were drowning. Where you had everything but felt like you were nothing. A happy life but not a happy mind.   
I didn't know what I was supposed to say. I practically put that fake smile on his face. Cas was a heaven sent, he was heaven's angel. And I had the title of breaking heaven's angel. "How are you Cas?" I asked dumbly.   
"I'm okay Dean." The fun facts about Castiel is that he sucks at lying, and he likes bees and burgers.   
I decided to let him think I truly believed him. Though I couldn't see how he could possibly think that with his shaky hands and his uncoordinated swallowing. Then again God works in mysterious wonders.   
"May I, can I sit with you?" I questioned him gesturing towards the open tile that sat next to him.   
He sat up quickly making his posture no longer looking like a rag doll. "Oh umm yes... you may," he cleared his throat and scooted even further away.  
When my legs finally gave into the action of sitting, I not so much sat gracefully as I did tumble to the floor. It wasn't fair that young people had knees that would give into an action so easily. I never had normal knees so I guess I shouldn't complain about something I never had. "So some helluva party am I right?"   
"Mm-hm," Castiel hummed throatily, "I have yet to be in the gym but the sound promises just loads of fun."   
I hummed agreement, "doesn't really seem like your kind of scene anyway."   
"I disagree," Castiel started a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips, "I love parties."   
Not one to turn down a joke I joined right in. "Oh yeah! I totally forgot that you were the party animal back then."   
"There was never a party without me."   
Castiel was about as easy to talk to as your mom. His voice was so rough it was soft and he smelt like warmth... like home. Castiel sounded like a low-budget horror movie. It sounded like an orchestra playing jaws. But it also sounded like a bee finding a flower in a meadow of dandelions. It sounded like a spider web collecting morning dew. It sounded... perfect.   
"Cas I'm so sorry," I mumbled.   
Castiel's head popped up from his hanging place. "What for Dean?" he asked.   
"Bullying you," I grumbled, "for making your high school experience total crap." My throat clenched and my heart was beating in my throat.   
"You didn't ruin anything Dean Winchester." I looked at him with something that was on the border line of confusion and awe. He was like a Pre-AP Calc teacher, he spoke in a different language most of the time. Then he makes perfect sense one day and you can't quite remember how strange he sounded.   
I faced him and felt my voice raise into an angry shout, "no, I ruined your life Cas. I ruined your mind. I beat you to a pulp every other day and the others I beat your dignity to mush."   
"Dean," Cas spoke softly, "I had the biggest crush on you." My eyes grew wide and for the first time in about thirty minutes his eyes finally met mine and I forgot how to speak. "The day in the locker room when you kissed me, I was devastated you took my first kiss, but it wasn't because it was you. It was because you took it out of spite rather than love."   
I didn't know how to respond. Castiel Novak was confessing his love for me, the same Castiel Novak that I swore I had a bone to pick with. Apart of me wanted to run away from my problems, the other part wanted me to give in to him and just be me, the real me. I nodded once and then felt a grin about as big as the sun take over my face.   
"How would you feel about me redoing our kiss?" I asked him, a dopey grin across my face.   
A blush took over his scruffy cheeks, his smile was soft but big. "I would like that Dean."   
My body was moving before my mind was. I was suddenly further into his personal space then usual. Then our noses were brushing and then it happened. Our lips connected and somehow it was better than what I remembered. His lips were softer and plumper. It was slow and sweet not rough and dirty. Kissing him was like kissing a baby. It was like how the sky kissed the ocean, so slow and so gentle. It was how the sun kissed skin with such heat but no burn. It was perfect. \

"You left me like a forgotten lullaby but I could never hate you."

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Supernatural or any of it's characters.


End file.
